While Joseph served as a good example of processing disappointment well, Jonah demonstrates disappointment that empowered dissatisfaction in God. God’s mission for Jonah was simple; “go to Nineveh, …and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me” (Jonah 1:2). But Jonah sailed in the opposite direction with no intention of obedience.

As the story goes, “the LORD appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights” (Jonah 1:17). During that time Jonah had a rethink and obedience now seemed appealing. So, “the LORD spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah out upon the dry land… Jonah arose and went to Nineveh, according to the word of the Lord” (Jonah 3:2-3). Good man!

Possibly the world’s quickest revival followed Jonah’s preaching as he walked through Nineveh. “The people of Nineveh believed God. They called for a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them” (Jonah 3:5). The king decreed, “let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. ⁹ Who knows? God may turn and relent and turn from his fierce anger, so that we may not perish” (Jonah 3:8-9). “When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil way, God relented of the disaster that he had said he would do to them” (Jonah 3:10). Praise God, you would think. But not defiant Jonah.

“But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. ² And he prayed to the LORD and said, “O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster” (Jonah 4:1-2). Jonah previously had the right expectations of God – mercy. But Jonah preferred justice for his Ninevite enemies, not mercy. Jonah’s heart was the problem, it was conflicted against God’s mercy.

Jonah had elevated his feelings of injustice to become anger towards God. His selfish and thankless conclusions vindicated him sitting on a hill complaining about God’s grace to the Ninevites. He wanted to “see what would become of the city” (Jonah 4:3-5). Wake up Jonah! So, the Lord sent a plant which provided shade for burning Jonah, then a worm which ate the plant, then a burning hot wind which enraged Jonah even more (Jonah 4:6-8).

Enraged by the hungry worm and loss of shade, plus burning with anger at God’s mercy, sinful Jonah preferred death over watching the Ninevites experience mercy. To which the Lord replied, “you have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. ¹¹ And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people…” (Jonah 4:10-11 NIV). Jonah was not entitled  to dictate who God could show mercy to, as stated in Romans 9:15, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”

Jonah’s prejudices had become his god, and he was willing to die for them. He refused to accept God’s sovereign wisdom. He was unwilling to celebrate the loving compassion of a Saviour God. Sin won the battle for Jonah’s heart, but lost the war against the souls of Nineveh – PRAISE GOD! As we rejoice over God’s choices, entrusting life’s outcomes to Him, we are set free from failed expectations, resentment, and heart-breaking disappointment. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

Disappointment at some point is an inescapable reality. We all deal with it differently and grant it varying levels of permission in our lives. Disappointment is the terrible twin to expectations, invisibly connected, and knitted together in our thoughts. These twins often wreak havoc, fighting within our emotions, our beliefs, and our relationships. They do not respect your level of maturity, your financial status, or your state of health. They relentlessly war within, unseen, and hungry for conquest over your heart and mind.

Weak or wrong expectations can lay the foundation for disappointment to feed off. Solomon expressed this in Proverbs 11:7, “when the wicked dies, his hope will perish, and the expectation of wealth perishes too.” The things which the world promises to bring lasting meaning, value, and security, attempt to build a strong set of expectations. However, the ugly reality is this, earthly death proves every one of those worldly expectations to be false, and eternally disappointing and damming.

Found in Genesis 37-50, Joseph serves as a good example of dealing correctly with expectations and disappointment. He was the favoured son of Jacob and hated by his brothers (Gen 37:3-4). His brothers plotted to kill 17-year-old Joseph but ended up selling him as a slave to some travelling merchants. They proceeded to on-sell Joseph to an Egyptian named Potiphar (Gen 37:20-28, 39:1). Despite promotion within Potiphar’s house, Mrs Potiphar betrayed Joseph with false allegations of attempted rape because he would not commit adultery with her.

Consequently, Joseph was wrongly imprisoned (Genesis 39:7-20). “But the LORD was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison… and whatever he did, the LORD made it succeed.” (Genesis 39:21, 23). Through a series of God orchestrated events, Joseph was “brought out of the pit” of prison (Genesis 41:14) and proceeded to correctly interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. So, Pharaoh (the king of Egypt) said to Joseph, “See, I have set you over all the land of Egypt.” ⁴² Then Pharaoh took his signet ring from his hand and put it on Joseph’s hand, and clothed him in garments of fine linen and put a gold chain about his neck. ⁴³ And he made him ride in his second chariot. And they called out before him, “Bow the knee!” (Genesis 41:41-43). Now that’s an impressive promotion, from prisoner to governor.

Following seven years of plenty under Josephs leadership came seven years of famine. Predictably, Joseph’s wicked brothers came in search of food. Well, they found food, plus they were reunited with Joseph, and they experienced unexpected grace. But the pinnacle character in this story is God. The Lord worked through both Josephs terrible circumstances and within Joseph’s heart attitudes and thinking.

At the conclusion of the story, Joseph explained to his brothers how God’s sovereign grace had been at work in all of their lives. Joseph brought his brothers understanding into God’s reality; “you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good… So do not fear… thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them” (Genesis 50:20-21).

Joseph would have felt the pain of enforced slavery, the betrayal of Mr and Mrs Potiphar, the injustice of wrongful imprisonment, yet his hope was in God who governed those events. We do not read of Joseph asking for better conditions or moaning of how unfair life was. As his life unfolded, Joseph aligned his acceptance with his understanding that God was working out a much bigger plan of which he was just one small player. Joseph was not disappointed with God because he never had selfish or unrealistic expectations of God, he simply accepted God’s will without resentment, while living in obedience.

My point is this; remove wrong expectations of God, and you remove the potential for disappointment in God. Next week, we shall consider the negative flip side of expectations and disappointment through the life of Jonah.

Relationships, God created humanity with both the ability for them and the desire for them. However, we can all learn how to participate well in relationships as the Lord intends. Similarly, how to respond graciously when illtreated.

Although not easy, the believer’s response to difficult relationships need to be measured, which often goes against the grain of our natural desires. This may well become the fiercest battle our hearts will ever experience. So, when hurtful and unexpected pains are forced on you, what things can you do to help honour the Lord and go toward maintaining your own sanity?

First should always be prayer. 1 Peter 5:7, “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” We are speaking with a willing and sympathetic listener when we pray.

Choose and persist in humility. James 4:6, 10, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”  “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” It is OK to struggle and lean hard into Christ during times of severe pain, remembering that His humble strength will sustain you. Then, at the appropriate time, the Lord will lift you out of or above the trial.

Share your pain – do not isolate or bury the pain. When Paul was suffering under house arrest in Rome, he wrote and thanked the Philippian believers because “it was kind of you to share my trouble” (Philippians 4:14). Even though the circumstances were different, the principle remains, believers share in each other’s lives, including the difficult times. This is how we experience the kindness of Christ; it’s as we inject the Lord’s loving kindness at a human level into each other’s lives.

Calmly self-evaluate. This should not become self-mutilation, but an honest inner cleansing before the Lord. Jesus speaks to this difficult task in Matthew 7:4, “how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?” Look within before looking to criticise others.

Love with Christ’s love, and forgive, even though the other person may not want to be forgiven. Forgive for Christ’s sake. Ephesians 4:1-2, “…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, ² with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.” This does not mean you go all soft and gooey in the head, but it does set you free to rationally work through the issues that need dealing with.

Be patient with yourself and with God as you work through the various layers of hurt and regret. Surrender to His timeline. Remember, we do all this, not simply to ease our pain, but to experience and expose the reality of Christ living through us during these times. We do this as a living testimony to the power of Jesus within. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Romans 12:12).

We all know that damaged relationships hurt. Surrender to the developing character of Jesus may not always remove pain, but it permits assurance, it opens up an inner place of respite, and provides peace with God to be layered over the pain. “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you…” (James 4:8).

When confronted by other’s unexpected and painful behaviour, may we respond differently to what comes naturally. May we respond in ways which draw attention to the Christ who lives within. May we be thankful for our Saviour who says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5), then walk faithful.

Predictability in healthy relationships enrich dependability and security. When unexpected behaviour by those we depend upon creates fear, doubts, and uncertainty, it can be traumatic.

I suggest the most unpredictable and extreme behaviour witnessed in Scripture was by Judas Iscariot. Imagine the shocked thoughts that must have gone through the other eleven disciples’ minds. “Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. ⁵ They were delighted and agreed to give him money. ⁶ He consented, and watched for an opportunity to hand Jesus over to them when no crowd was present” (Luke 22:4-6 NIV). How could you do this Judas? Well, verse 3 tells us that Satan had entered Judas, which changed everything.

Judas was nothing more than a religious man open to internal satanic influence despite walking with Jesus for 3 years. Yet, it was Jesus who had chosen Judas to be one His disciples (Mark 3:16-19). Had Jesus got it wrong? Was this an unexpected interruption to Jesus’ plans? Events like this cause us to struggle with the complex integration of God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility.

However, Jesus, knowing what Judas was planning, permitted him to participate in the Passover and then exposed Judas when He said “the hand of him who betrays me is with me on the table. ²² For the Son of Man goes as it has been determined, but woe to that man by whom he is betrayed!” (Luke 22:21-22). God had determined these events, yet Judas was also a willing participant. No wonder the disciples “began to question one another, which of them it could be who was going to do this” (Luke 22:23). But Judas knew.

Later, Judas betrayed Jesus and Peter responded by cutting off the right ear from Malchus the servant with his sword (John 18:10). But there was no outburst against Judas. Mark tells us that everyone “left him [Jesus] and fled” (Mark 14:50). So much for the support of close friends. Matthew tells us that during the fake trial of Jesus the next morning, Judas “went away and hanged himself” (Matthew 27:5). The entire scene was in human chaos.

Through these staggering events, we get to observe how Jesus and the disciples responded to Judas. There was no witch hunt, so to speak. Judas did not become the source of bitterness, or the target of personal revenge. In fact, as we read the New Testament, we don’t hear of the disciples carrying a grudge, slandering Judas’ name, or voicing their animosity against him.

Some observations may help prepare us for those times when others inflict unexpected pain upon us. First, you have no pain which has taken the Lord by surprize. Just as He knew what Judas was about to do, so also the Lord sees your circumstances coming. The Lord knows all the confusing and conflicting details and feelings with perfect clarity. The Lord knows us, our activities, our thoughts, and even our sleep patterns (Psalms 139:1-3). He knows whenever a sparrow falls and has even numbered the hairs on your head (Matthew 10:29-30). Nothing in your life escapes His attention.

Knowing this gives us the initial confidence needed to respond as Jesus did to His suffering. “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23 NIV). As he suffered, He entrusted through surrender to His Father who knew best. As we begin this short series, may we begin with trusting surrender in our heavenly Father.

For many of us, it’s difficult to be genuinely thankful to the Lord during painful times, let alone being thankful for the actual cause of pain. For most, gratitude during these times of painful purification does not come easy. However, what makes gratitude possible is understanding God’s purpose and His goals. To experience the realisation of privilege and love from our heavenly Father can be life changing. As we grow in our ability to think and prioritise as the Lord does, so our ability to express gratitude as a reflection of His pleasure becomes key in striving for Christlikeness and contentment.

Herein lies one of the greatest challenges for believers today; “be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2b). A sincere person may be able to put on good behaviour temporarily but changing the way they think takes the work of the Holy Spirit. Those patterns of thought, those heart habits, and those relentless bad attitudes which self-empower defiance and sin are so embedded within the deceived (Jer 17:9) heart, that it takes divine intervention to change.

Some rejoice in the luxuries of life, some celebrate their sense of worthiness, and others are glad that they have freedom to do as they please. But the child of God considers “it all joy, …when you meet trials of various kinds” (James 1:2). Why is this? How can a believer think this way? Because they understand “that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:3). Steadfastness creates faithfulness in your relationship with the Lord which enables you to think through the issues and evaluate your motives, then respond correctly.

The believer chooses to “rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials” (1 Peter 1:6). This seems crazy if you are only thinking of self. But if you are thinking of God it makes sense. God administers the painful periods of life “so that the tested genuineness of your faith… may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7). God kindly permits us to discover if our faith is genuine or not. And when faith is proven to be genuine, God assures us that apart from any present glory He may receive, the greatest glory shall occur when Christ returns to snatch up His bride.

So, Paul says, “let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:4). If we believers genuinely want to understand God and His sanctification in our lives to such a degree that we rejoice in the trials, we must “let steadfastness have its full effect.” There are no short-cuts, no bypass tricks, joyful sanctification takes time, patience, and a desire for God to be God in your life for His glory.

One of the blessings for a mind that is being transformed, is “that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2c). This does not speak of a dark heart attitude which challenges God. Rather, it speaks of observing the “genuineness of your faith” (1Pe 1:7) and realising that this contentment in God through sanctifying trials is God’s will for you. This understanding affirms that the sanctification is indeed “good and acceptable and perfect.” This is at the heart of living in pursuit of Christlikeness.

Through this Holy Spirit energised work of sanctification joy gets ignited by the sparks of thought, faith, and steadfastness. Intellect, for the most part, is the mechanism intended by God to fire signals to your emotions that joy is the appropriate response to the Almighty’s sanctification. May we walk in this reality as a testimony for the Lord Jesus Christ.